Couples

We want and need so much from our intimate partnerships–to be valued and known, soothed and supported, desired and sought out, left alone when we need it, or closely brought in. Inevitably, different partners approach the same relationship in remarkably different ways.

Even the strongest, most mature partnerships are vulnerable to wounding, confusing, or overwhelming interactions, in part because our closest relationships tread along ancient trails: early attachments, longstanding internal conflicts, old modes of relating, wanting, feeling.

Couples’ therapy is a space to work through both the specific problems facing couples and the internal dynamics behind them.

I help couples who are entrenched in painful or confusing patterns, and those who wish to navigate their relationship with more ease, curiosity, and mutual recognition. Some couples come because of challenges in areas that feel irreconcilable and threatening—e.g. sex, work, closeness, money, identity, or parenting. Sometimes the relationship has become saturated with blame, mistrust, and the feeling of no longer wanting to try to stay connected. Often, couples just want to change something about the dynamic, but aren’t sure how to change, or why it’s so hard.

I work with couples to process conflicts with more clarity and less damage, and to build greater capacity for emotional discomfort and engagement. I see my task as helping both partners to understand the meanings of their internal dynamics, their impacts on the other, and how to manage and express their emotions more skillfully.

My work with couples integrates psychodynamic, emotion-focused, and mindfulness-based approaches, as well as contemporary attachment and developmental theories.

Clients say I am funny, relaxed, thoughtful, direct, able to see both sides, to pave the way for communication that is more generative, and to apologize when I get it wrong.

I work with a wide range of couple problems, including:

Repetitive and unproductive fighting

Resentment, loss of connection, and feeling misunderstood

Lack of intimacy, loss of desire, and sexual problems

Conflicts around money

Conflicts and stresses around parenting

Conflicts around cultural differences

Difficulties with families of origin and in-laws

Stresses around life transitions and aging

Grief and loss

Infidelity and marital crises

Despair and hopelessness about the relationship

Couples considering separation